Top Ten Things That Will Happen Once Minnesota Upsets OSU
by PJS on Sep 25, 2008 1:30 PM CDT
20 comments
Ladies and gentleman, looking ahead to our probable victory this Saturday I decided to do a little soothsaying. The following are events I believe will transpire after the University of Minnesota Golden Gophers best Ohio State.
#10. From the broadcast booth, Glen Mason is clearly shaken, distraught. He doesn't quite know what to say when Justin Kucek successfully punts from the Gophers endzone.
#9. Tim Brewster says "tremendous." Often.
#8. OSU players do what it is they apparently do when they are embarrassed. Get naked. Jump in the shower. Have naked, wet talk. They really do this. From linebacker Marcus Freeman via ESPN.
"But we got in the shower, everybody's disappointed. I forget who was the first person to say something, but it was weird that all of us that had major decisions about coming back were all in the shower at the same time."
Imagine naked commiserating in shower. Or maybe don't. Your choice.
#7. The Minneapolis and St. Paul newspapers publish more than one article on the Gophers. This probably won't happen. Gus Frerotte starts Sunday for the Vikes.
#6. In full mock mode, the Minnesota band, fresh off a victorious rendition of the Rouser, give each other piggyback rides while waving around bananas. Seriously, tOSU band does this. Weird.
#5. Thinking this is a trophy game, Minnesota players storm the OSU sideline and forcibly remove Jim Tressel's sweater vest. Sir Tipsy McStagger of Minnesota emerges with kerosene, lighter in hand, and douses sweater vest.
#4. Flamable sweater vest in tow, Brewster decides instead to have it spray painted maroon and gold. He's wearing sweater vest by Saturday evening.
#3. After Project Runway's Tim Gunn asks Brewster to model his new attire, Brewster does indeed burn sweater vest. "Recruits don't want to see their coach on Bravo," Brewster is heard telling reporters.
#2. Glen Mason asks to be honorary captain at UofM game. He's denied.
And finally .... Drum roll please .....
#1. Patrick Reusse forced to retire and is subsequently named Turkey of the Year when Jim Souhan takes over the annual STrib column.
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seriously....
what are you smoking?
by OSUWillCRUSHTheGophers on Sep 25, 2008 3:24 PM CDT reply actions
Once again.....
Ohio State is 24-1 in the last 25 years verse Minnesota.
Some scores of recent games in the last four years:
Ohio State 30 Minnesota 7
Ohio State 44 Minnesota 0
Ohio State 34 Minnesota 3
Ohio State record in the Big Ten the last three years 22-2
Ohio State’s record last year 11-2
Minnesota’s record last year 1-11
Once again until you even come close to beating Ohio State….Keep your mouth shut.
by OSUWillCRUSHTheGophers on Sep 25, 2008 3:33 PM CDT reply actions
...
… None of that matters. Ohio State has been nothing short of abysmal THIS YEAR. Destroyed by USC. Squeaker over Ohio U. Ugly win versus Troy. Meanwhile, Minnesota whipped Bowling Green on the road, a team that beat a reanked Pitt team on the road. And we whipped FAU. Both teams are considered superior to teams OSU struggled with. Add in Pryor’s learning curve, a banged up Wells and an otherwise slow Buckeye team, and OSU is ripe for an upset.
And try to lighten up a bit OSUWCTG.
Gentlemen, you can't fight in here! This is the War Room.
Slow Buckeye team?
Abysmal on the year?
Sorry to tell you boys, but Troy is almost definitely better than your Golden Gophers. They’ve put 30 points on Georgia and Florida in recent years. They’ve beaten Mizzou and other BCS teams in the last 5 years.
It’s funny what sudden success can do to a fanbase….like make them think they can compete with the big boys of the Big Ten.
FAU
The exact same Florida Atlantic team that beat Minnesota in OT last year—pretty much the exact team Minnesota throttled last week—put up 20 on Florida last year and lost by 12 to then 6th ranked South Florida last year and won its bowl berth.
Oh, by the way, FAU beat Troy last year.
Gentlemen, you can't fight in here! This is the War Room.
By the way
It’s also the Troy team that lost to FAU last year. But never mind the facts, they are simply better because OSU played them.
Welcome Back, Pantherhawk
I can tell that style anywhere.
by Ski U Mah Gopher on Sep 26, 2008 4:48 PM CDT up reply actions
Art Schleister
Anyone know which way he is betting on this one?
I applaud you PJS
even if the gophers don’t win (right now I think its a toss up) this was a very entertaining read
and I agree
lighten up OSUWCTG
Yeah, good job PJS
This post was extremely entertaining (although maybe you should type a disclaimer next time…. obviously some people have taken this WAY, WAYYY too seriously). OSUWCTG needs to give it a rest, but maybe he’s just frustrated knowing that
a) their program is being seen as struggling,
b) our team has been seen as on the rise, and
c) the game coming up has good upset potential.
I don’t think he’s ever even known that the Gophers used to be one of the elite. All I have to say is better watch out; history tends to repeat itself.
Unless Minnesota suddenly becomes a hotbed for high school football talent I can almost guarantee history will not “repeat itself.”
Yeah, buddy, I thought when I threw in a Tipsy reference together with naked Buckeye comments, it was pretty clear we were messing around!
Gentlemen, you can't fight in here! This is the War Room.
When have the Gophers ever been elite?
We don’t struggle against garbage team like yours.
by OSUWillCRUSHTheGophers on Sep 27, 2008 3:16 PM CDT up reply actions
class
what you say here can, and will, be used against you
by GopherNation on Sep 27, 2008 7:55 PM CDT up reply actions
Goldy
A buckeye is a nut right?
A) The University of Minnesota teams are known as the Golden Gophers
B) Gophers eat nuts
C) Although Goldy is awesome, it isn’t often that I can argue the merits of our mascot on the grounds that he is tougher than yours
D) This is one of those cases where I will
E) Golden Gophers > buckeyes
List Item #1
The only thing that I would have liked to see different on this list -
#1. Patrick Reusse forced to admit he was wrong and subsequently names himself Turkey of the Year
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