Tim Brewster, in contrast, is full of fun and definite nonsense: not only does he support the splitting of the league into divisions and a championship game, he also thinks Minnesota receiver Eric Decker is the best wideout in college football. This is, of course, impossible because Decker is a "possession receiver,"

Minnesota wide receiver Eric Decker will play for the Gophers this season but he said Tuesday that signing a contract with the Minnesota Twins, who drafted him in the 27th round in June, "is not completely out of the question."

"I want the University of Minnesota to be on that stage," Brewster said. "I want to play nationally televised games where a tremendous amount of exposure is put on our program. And when you play USC, that happens. We're going to play some other teams that are going to give us exposure."

Bielema reminded reporters Monday during the first day of the Big Ten Conference preseason football meetings that UW is a combined 30-3 at home over the last five seasons.

"That really becomes evident when we try to schedule nonconference opponents and we try to go after a certain caliber of opponents," Bielema, 28-11 in three seasons as UW's head coach, said of the Badgers' home record since 2004. "In the beginning they start to get intrigued and they are interested in coming.

"But when we start to talk about home-and-home . . . all of a sudden it's not as good a deal as they thought."

Those UW fans who want to see the non-league schedule upgraded probably won't buy that argument.

I think he's [Tressel] an android. One of these days, someone is going to finally push him over the edge and he's going to snap and try to stuff a rolled-up magazine down the guy's throat and then milky conductor fluid is going to start spurting out his mouth and his head'll pop off exposing all the wiring and then millions of fans will be stunned. I will not.