With multiple bowls to choose from, it is easy to get confused about what bowl we want to go to. So I thought it made sense to enlist an outside expert to help. I pondered contacting one of the many talking heads and columnists in the college football universe. But ultimately, I decided that we needed to be more scientific about the whole thing. So I turned to notable Golden Gophers fan* and king of offering people the chance to pick between stuff, Bob Barker.
*Not a factual statement in any way. Unless he is a Gophers fan. I have no idea.
Bob was kind enough to tape a special episode of the Price Is Right to help us out. Here's a transcript of the The Showcase from that episode:
That's...wonderful? Moving on...each of you has a showcase of beautiful bowls to bid on, and the one of you who bids closer to the projected attendance of your own bowl or bowls without going over will win it. But, if you are the winner, and are 250 fans or less from the projected attendance of your own bowl game, we will give you ALL the bowls!
That's right, you and a guest will fly round trip coach from Minneapolis to world famous Houston, Texas for an all inclusive stay at the downtown Westin Galleria Hotel! Staffed by friendly and attentive staff who wish Texas was its own country, and within a short cow ride from all of Houston's best restaurants and nightlife, the Westin Galleria is the premier downtown Houston destination. You'll also get sideline passes to the Meineke Car Care Bowl of Texas, where you'll potentially watch the Minnesota Gophers take on the 6th best Big 12 bowl team, or whatever Big 12 team the bowl organizers think will sell more tickets, in cavernous and soulless Reliant Stadium! Hear your voice echo and marvel at how pretty all the empty seats are as you ask yourself why they are trying to play on real grass on this indoor field.
You and a guest will fly round trip coach from Minneapolis to mysterious Dallas, Texas for an all inclusive stay at the Dallas Marriott City Center! Located in the heart of downtown, the Dallas Marriott City Center is the height of Texan luxury. Have a cow branded, slaughtered, cooked, and served in front of you all at the same time! As part of this package, you'll also receive a 50 yard line seats to the Heart of Dallas Bowl. This will give you the opportunity to experience all the charm of the outdated Cotton Bowl, including the long bathroom lines and subpar concession options, as well as a potential matchup between the Minnesota Gophers and the 8th best Big 12 bowl team! Or maybe a different Big 12 team. Or even a C-USA team if the Big 12 can't fill all their bowl slots.
You and a guest will fly round trip coach from Minneapolis to the life of the party, Tempe, Arizona! Enjoy and all inclusive stay at the trendy Aloft Tempe. Forget about the cold northern weather and enjoy all of the visual delights that Arizona State has to offer. Wake up in a gutter reeking of tequila and stumble over to Sun Devil Stadium, where you'll have seats by all of the sport coat wearing bowl tools. Marvel at the cool graphics on the tarps used to cover up large portions of the empty upper deck! Remember all the great Gopher experiences in this same stadium, like the New Year's Eve Meltdown or The Fumble against Iowa State! And enjoy a potential matchup between the Minnesota Gophers and the 4th best Big 12 bowl team or whatever team will send the most fans to debase themselves in Tempe's bro-tastic nightclubs.
Commercial break filled entirely with ads for RoTel, Barbasol, and Washburn-McReavy Funeral Homes