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The Pride of Wisconsin - Episode I: Thong Cape Scooter Man

Alex Grimm

GoAUpher: HATE WEEK!

Editor's note:

As some of you may know, I am a native Wisconsinite. I was born and raised in Madison and unfortunately failed to see the light of the good side until, as an eighteen-year old freshman, Tim Brewster was somehow able to "get my chili hot." That just does not sound right, but hey, no one ever said he was a bad salesman.

Anyway, after college I moved back to Madison for work, and through my strategic placement in the heart of the beast, I have been able to observe the Wisconsinite in its natural habitat. Thus, for hateweek 2.0, I have prepared a daily web series: The Pride of Wisconsin, which will profile Wisconsin's greatest and most influential contributions to society. If you have any disagreements or future nominations, that's what the comments are for.

Episode I: Thong Cape Scooter Man

Those who have never lived in Madison may be unaware of today's Pride of Wisconsin, but his influence cannot be understated. Indeed, according to the arbiter of all things influence, Google suggested searches, he trails no one in his field.

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via i.imgur.com

Aside from being famous, The Thong Cape Scooter Man truly represents what the State of Wisconsin stands for. In fact, he was recently contacted by Madison police for driving by an elementary school wearing, well...

"Passing by the school, at the exact moment, was Thong Cape Scooter Man. On this date, he sat on the saddle of his slow moving scooter clad in a black cape with red trim, a thong, a helmet, and nothing else. 'All three teachers were disturbed by his actions and felt that his behavior was highly inappropriate, given the timing of school ending,' wrote a MPD sergeant, when he later filed a report on the matter."

The Wisconsin hero, however, was not arrested, as he was simply exercising his constitutional right to be a really creepy person. As such, the Thong Cape Scooter Man remains free to ride, as a shining symbol of all that Wisconsin represents.

Join us again tomorrow for the next installment of The Pride of Wisconsin.

Editors of The Daily Gopher retain the right to remove posts deemed excessively offensive or grossly inappropriate. Keep it clean and don't be mean.

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