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Fuck You, Wisconsin

Below is a brief and in no way comprehensive list of things I hate about Wisconsin.

1) First thing's first, your uniforms are the dumbest things I have ever seen. King Barry Alvarez spent a lot of time at Nebraska, and has been candid about the fact that Wisconsin's unis are literally just Nebraska Unis with a 'W' instead of an 'N'. That's the least creative, most derivative, lamest uni in all of CFB. You suck.

2) Your mascot is called a Badger, but it actually looks like a skunk in a cheap popcorn box. Congratulations! Your Mascot looks effin' stupid. http://cdn3.sbnation.com/imported_assets/1851085/skunk_popcorn_bucky.jpg

3) Last year your coach decided to undermine over a half century of tradition, and wouldn't allow the winning team to seize the Axe on the field because of the 2013 'incident'. This is funny because the 'incident' he refers to was started entirely by Wisconsin players who tried to attack Gopher players after the last Dinkytown Axe game. Somehow, Gary Andersen convinced himself that this was Minnesota's fault. You don't piss on tradition and then blame the other team. WEAK.

4) In the past 3 years you've lost 2 coaches to Arkansas and Oregon State. That would be like leaving a job in Paris to work in Williston or Bakersfield. Congratulations!

5) Wisconsin leads the nation in cheese consumption, and also ranks near the top in beer consumption, drunk driving, obesity, and cow tipping. Stay Classy, Wisconsin

6) Badger fans sincerely believes that CFB began in 1993. They refuse to acknowledge anything that happened before that time. They believe they have always been dominant and refuse to acknowledge Minnesota's storied past or their own mediocre history. They are like that guy who loses his baby fat and braces at age 18, and instead of learning from his own insecurity, goes out of his way to be a dick to everybody who looks the way he used to look, cause hey, now he feels good.

7) King Barry never wanted the Wisconsin job. Barry Alvarez wanted the Minnesota job because he said that 'there was a higher ceiling in Minneapolis than Madison'. That's still true. So I hope all you skunk lovers enjoyed the past 20 years. The tide is turning.

Finally, I hate the Skunks, I mean Badgers, and the Axe needs to come home to Dinkytown. C'mon Gophers, make it happen!

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