beyond-photoshop Stories - The Daily Gopher
Million Dollar Punching Bag
"No, see, ya gotta keep it close 'til the end, then hope ya got more than the other guy..." The Des Moines Register took off its "firing people" hat, put on its reporter hat, and invoked the good ol' Open Records Act to obtain a copy of the contract for Iowa's game with Louisiana-Monroe this fall....
EXCLUSIVE: Paul Rhoads Has A Documented History Of Mascot Abuse
So you think that moose that Paul Rhoads punched in the schnoz the other day was the first time ol' Paul has lost his temper and taken it out on a costumed performer? HA. Not so, friends. The dirty little secret of Iowa State football coach Paul Rhoads is that he has a long and documented...
MARCHIFORNICATION ROUND 2: JAMIE POLLARD VS. PELICAN WHORE
#3 SEED: JAMIE POLLARD Round 1: Defeated Coach Baby, 377-204 #7 SEED: PELICAN WHORE Round 1: Defeated Wizgerald, 330-225 Scene: a dilapidated barn in Ames. Cows mill about lazily with ragged, oversized cheerleader uniforms covering them. Somehow there is still eight inches of snow on the...
Dinosaur Racecars: The Interview
Recently*, Jon Bois of "the Internet" interviewed me about Dinosaur Racecars because dinosaur racecars. Here is our interview so people can understand more about dinosaur racecars. There is no known picture of Mr. Bois on the Internet, so we'll use our old friend Bob Bruce to represent him. You're...
"Leaders and Legends" to stay in place for at least a year
Here's the story per Adam Rittenberg: "We can't test them until we play a season," Big Ten chief communications officer Diane Dietz told me today. "We have to see them through." Big Ten Commissioner Jim Delany had given all of us hope that perhaps he would perhaps be walking back the...
Better Know An Iowa Football Opponent 2010: Eastern Illinois Panthers (Part One)
The off-season is a long and tiresome trudge, so how can we best get through it? By looking ahead to next year, of course. So, in the spirit of forward thinking, we present a team-by-team look at Iowa's 2010 football opponents (with looks at Illinois and Purdue thrown in for good measure so our...
Iowa Football Has Your "Iron Man" Right Here
MS Paint rulz. As you may have heard, there's a quaint little art film called "Iron Man 2" opening in a handful of movie theaters today. The rest of you heathens can have your hard-drinking, womanizing, arrogant-as-hell billionaire playboy in Cyclone colors*. At Iowa we know a thing or...
Kirk Ferentz's Alternate Reality
The urge always comes late at night. The urge always comes when he's alone at the office, when the silence surrounds him, when he's necessarily left to his own devices, when his brain is free from distraction--and must distract itself. That's when Kirk Ferentz gets the urge to wonder what if. Not...
Fran-demonium part II: Fire up your Photoshop
I realize you're probably just about fran-punned out by now, but I got bored. And when I get bored, I photoshop. So what you get is more Fran. You're probably thinking: "Why didn't you just put this in the other thread, you Fran-bagging son of a bitch?" And the answer to that is, "shut up." ...
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