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Top Ten Things That Will Happen Once Minnesota Upsets OSU

Ladies and gentleman, looking ahead to our probable victory this Saturday I decided to do a little soothsaying. The following are events I believe will transpire after the University of Minnesota Golden Gophers best Ohio State.

#10. From the broadcast booth, Glen Mason is clearly shaken, distraught. He doesn't quite know what to say when Justin Kucek successfully punts from the Gophers endzone.

#9. Tim Brewster says "tremendous." Often.

#8. OSU players do what it is they apparently do when they are embarrassed. Get naked. Jump in the shower. Have naked, wet talk. They really do this. From linebacker Marcus Freeman via ESPN.

"But we got in the shower, everybody's disappointed. I forget who was the first person to say something, but it was weird that all of us that had major decisions about coming back were all in the shower at the same time."


Imagine naked commiserating in shower. Or maybe don't. Your choice.

#7. The Minneapolis and St. Paul newspapers publish more than one article on the Gophers. This probably won't happen. Gus Frerotte starts Sunday for the Vikes.

#6. In full mock mode, the Minnesota band, fresh off a victorious rendition of the Rouser, give each other piggyback rides while waving around bananas. Seriously, tOSU band does this. Weird.

#5. Thinking this is a trophy game, Minnesota players storm the OSU sideline and forcibly remove Jim Tressel's sweater vest. Sir Tipsy McStagger of Minnesota emerges with kerosene, lighter in hand, and douses sweater vest.

#4. Flamable sweater vest in tow, Brewster decides instead to have it spray painted maroon and gold. He's wearing sweater vest by Saturday evening.

#3. After Project Runway's Tim Gunn asks Brewster to model his new attire, Brewster does indeed burn sweater vest. "Recruits don't want to see their coach on Bravo," Brewster is heard telling reporters.

#2. Glen Mason asks to be honorary captain at UofM game. He's denied.

And finally .... Drum roll please .....

#1. Patrick Reusse forced to retire and is subsequently named Turkey of the Year when Jim Souhan takes over the annual STrib column.