This is a thing that is coming to a "rivalry" game near you:
Stop forcing it Big Ten foes. Every time this conference forces a rivalry with a trophy the result is either laughable or so bland that you have to wonder how many focus groups were involved. Unsure what I'm talking about? Let's recap:
Land Grant Trophy:
Pew Pew Pew!
Governor's Victory Bell
If you made this in shop class you'd get a B- at best. It's a piece of generic, shoddily made slop.
Shameless attempt to create a variation of Floyd, without any of the interesting live animal history. Also, I'm pretty sure this breaks some sort of spidery religious rule.
Children Of The Corn
Norman Rockwell wants to troll whoever did this.
In case you were wondering, you play football to win this. Also, something about HyVee heroically stopping the Nazi's at Pearl Harbor.
If you lose this trophy then you're the reason the evil Eastern European villians from every poorly written action movie ever will win. Alternate joke: "You may take our pride and self respect by making us play for this piece of junk, but you'll never take OUR FREEDOM!"
After the Corn Trophy incident, the marketing wizards in charge of these monstrosities wised up. Not sure what I mean? The last two are named in such a way that silly people can say you hate Heroes and Freedom if you don't like the trophy. That alone is your sign that whoever is behind this mess sucks at life. The creation of this last bronzed turd also means that Minnesota-Nebraska is the only game in the Quadrangle of Hate (the matchups between MN, WI, IA, and NE) without a trophy. This leads to things like:
Nebraska & Wisconsin now playing for Freedom Trophy. Should Minnesota & Nebraska start a trophy game? Name it what? - http://t.co/ju5VKULcHl
— Marcus R. Fuller (@GophersNow) November 10, 2014
We already have one trophy that means nothing to anyone that no one cares about. It's called the Bell and we pretend it doesn't exist. That's what these trophies are, better constructed Victory Bells. Minnesota does not want another Bell. Minnesota does not need another Bell.
I now have a new minion who would like to say hi. He is the #TROPHYGAZE minion
That is his response to the idea of new "rivalry" trophies. These trophies are bad ideas. They make a mockery of good trophies like the Pig, Axe, Jug, Bucket, Paul Bunyan and the like. They are a scourge in our midst, a virus that is spreading so that Jim Delany has another rivalry game to market when the next round of TV contracts are up for bidding. They are pointless, and dumb, and in the case of the Freedom Trophy may celebrate the Freedom to be blind in one eye after celebrating with it:
In honor of the newest trophy (and because I don't feel like continuing to type my own annoyance) I share with you the thoughts of real trophy patriots who see these new "spoils" for the Orwellian mess that they are:
It's a problem that I'm more shocked they couldn't find a sponsor than that they put down some sort of pretentious bullshit as a theme.— Salt Creek & Stadium (@tamattes) November 10, 2014
All of the new trophies are so Jim Delany #B1G: Chock full of fake tradition, conjured for TV, and pure bullshit.
— Patrick Vint (@HS_BHGP) November 10, 2014
This trophy needs more Clint Dempsey riding an eagle and firing a shotgun pic.twitter.com/A3zLiJDF6N— Matt Humbert (@MVofDT) November 10, 2014
And the mic drop...
Nebraska could win "Heroes" and "Freedom" games this year, have most patriotic trophy case ever. I prefer pigs and axes, but that's just me.— Brian Bennett (@BennettESPN) November 10, 2014
No one can be against Freedom, after all. But Slab of Bacon is even better.— Brian Bennett (@BennettESPN) November 10, 2014
You know what? I'm stopping right here. Brian Bennett just had two tweets in a row that I agreed with. When Bennett starts making this much sense then you're on the wrong side of the argument.