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Big Ten Thanksgiving Roundup - The Gnomes Give Thanks

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The gnomes share what they're thankful for from every team in the Big Ten. Yes, even for Rutgers and Maryland. You're part of the family too (you're the drunk weird uncles).

This is glorious. Isn't this glorious?
This is glorious. Isn't this glorious?
Noah Johnston

It's a day of thanks, but don't think that's going to stop the gnomes from snarking...

Illinois

The gnomes are thankfil the Illini for might have saved Tim Beckman's job. WIN THAT HAT! WIN THAT HAT! Mostly though, the gnomes are thankful that Tim Beckman has shown no increase in self awareness or reduction in buffoonery. Even if he gets fired at the end of the year, it was a good run and the gnomes wouldn't have traded it for the world.

The Champaign Room has a new game poster!

The gnomes believe in you Becks! GET IT DONE!!!

Indiana

Goodness Indiana. Your football team is obscuring Tevin Coleman behind a smokescreen of "UGH" and your basketball team is...woof. That said, they gnomes are thankful for the tire fire your basketball has started the season as. Because you're going to eat your own young and it is going to be entertaining. Sorry, but it's true. The gnomes give it a month until FIRE CREAN t-shirts are the most popular item in Bloomington, even more popular than Notre Dame footbal jackets.

Crimson Quarry sees people calling for Steve Alford and they are not pleased. Seriously though, please click over to TCQ and read the whole post I'm linking to. IT'S PURE GOLD.

SWICK: This isn't 2008 anymore. This job has not been left for dead and effectively radioactive because of NCAA sanctions and roster unknowns that tempered the coaching search back when Tom Crean was hired. Indiana does not have to get cute with this search. You don't have to settle for guys with Alford's résumé just because they have "Indiana ties." If you must fire your coach and find a new one, why not come on back and try on a Sean Miller or Gregg Marshall? I think we may have a Shaka Smart in your size as well, and I know we should be getting a Brad Stevens in sometime in the next couple of years, maybe try that if you're still looking and---

...uh, what? You want to see a WHO now?

fife

Call Security.

ROBBINS: OH LOOK HERE IS A COLUMN FROM BRUINS NATION ON STEVE ALFORD FILED UNDER THE CATEGORY OF "UCLA ADMINISTRATIVE FAILURES." I DO NOT WANT TO YELL BUT YOU DO NOT SEEM TO UNDERSTAND THAT THIS IS A BAD IDEA. STEVE ALFORD SEEMS TO BE VERY BAD AT WINNING BASKETBALL GAMES OUTSIDE OF DIVISION THREE AND THE LAND OF ENCHANTMENT. DIDN'T Y'ALL WATCH THE 30-FOR-30 ON REGGIE MILLER THINGS WORK OUT BETTER WHEN ROVELL-LOOK-ALIKE IS LEFT LIKE RADIOACTIVE WASTE IN THE AMERICAN SOUTHWEST. NO TAKE THIS TERRIBLE ARGUMENT DIRECTLY INTO THE TRASH CAN WITH YOUR TURKEY. SPEAKING OF THIS CHRISSY TIEGEN WHAT ARE YOUR THOUGHTS ON TURKEY AS AN ENTREE?

"ALFORD TO INDIANA" IN THE TRASH, WITH THE TURKEY, NOW.

Seriously though, the gnomes would greatly appreciate it if you hired Steve Alford. PLEASEEEEEEEEEEEE!

Iowa

Thanks for 51-14.

Black Heart Gold Pants has issued a mancott of a crappy sports bar in KC:

We're not exactly surprised that Iowa State fans are so obsessed with Iowa that they "thank" bars for burning Iowa flags in fairly clear violation of Kansas City Code of Ordinances Section 10-332(g)(2) and (3).  We wouldn't be surprised if one of them actually burned the flag without even asking the bar.  It wouldn't matter if they were playing Alabama, Duke or the Chicago Bulls.  All they would care about is Iowa, because that's what Iowa State fans do.

...

For the first time ever, we're issuing a MANCOTT that isn't a half-joke.  We encourage all Iowa fans to avoid McFadden's Pub this Friday and every other day for the rest of eternity.  They have shown they are clearly not interested in your business, at least not when your back is turned.  If you're in Power & Light and want to get a beer and watch a game, we recommend literally any other bar.  Not only will that bar not have two reviews calling it the "Worst place [they have] ever been," but it won't burn an Iowa flag and then shake the tip jar for your cash.

Not really related to much, but this comment came below the story and the gnomes laughed.
chizik

Maryland

The gnomes are happy you aren't Pitt. Because reasons. Be happy they invited you.

Testudo Times shares it's thankful list, which includes some new digs:

A new indoor facility for football

Speaking of Kevin Plank, Maryland fans are super, mega thankful for his contribution to the school's newly proposed indoor football facility. I can thankfully stare at renders of this facility for days.

Photo credit: University of Maryland Athletics

That does look pretty.

Michigan

The gnomes are thankful you suck so much that you gave them a chance to make a Stephen King joke that involved The Stand instead of The Shining.

11-mich

/giggles

Maize n' Brew get ready for a change:

When Rich Rodriguez was fired back in 2010 after a third-straight embarrassing season with the Michigan Wolverines, the program needed someone who could unite the fractured fan base and alumni and inspire confidence for the future.

Many said a "Michigan Man" was needed to step in and fix the program. The normal names popped up, like Jim Harbaugh, Les Miles, etc., but as we know, they decided to go in another direction.

That went with Brady Hoke, who uttered what would end up being a prophetic phrase during his introductory press conference.

Personally, I felt from the start that this was a safe hire that was made to fill the "Michigan Man" criteria and that would end up as a guy who only won eight or nine games a season.

Oh, and this. The gnomes are always thankful for this.

Michigan State

Does anyone else feel like Michigan State has lived on another planet this year? I just feel like I've had no real interaction with them as a team or fanbase. Since their fanbase has grown annoying when it comes to bragging about football, the gnomes have decided their thankful they've been able to avoid interacting with Michigan State. They are looking forward to holding onto the Honeycrisp Trophy though.

The Only Colors seems to be ignoring the return of LAZERS. Which is sad. So hockey talk it is then.

Looking back at the 3 keys to success
  1. Take Control Early- Both nights the coaches talked about how the Buckeyes had great starts. So mission unaccomplished on this one.
  2. Help Jake Hildebrand- I thought for the most part the defense looked great Thursday night. Surrendering shots does not always mean you are playing poorly, depending on the chances. However, Friday night, getting shutout is not helping your goaltender very much.
  3. Berry-Ferrantino-Cox Line- Responsible for a power play goal and the third goal Thursday. Need to have some depth scoring develop to contend for a high finish in the league.

Nebraska

The gnomes are so very, very thankful for this:

The gnomes heart this image so much

Corn Nationn looks at how the people of Nebraska are feeling about Bo Pelini. Hint, not pleased:

There weren't enough searches for "Fire Bo Pelini" to register prior to 2012, and then 2013 happened.  There were three notable spikes for the search in 2013, two corresponding to losses and one to the now infamous TapeGate link is NSFW).  What is most revealing, though, is that the search term was completely off the radar until after the Wisconsin loss, at which point it surged past every other week to become ranked 100.  Searches for "Fire Bo Pelini" were more than twice any other past week. The truce between Husker fans and Bo Pelini that had held since Shawn Eichorst put an end to the speculation of Pelini's future in Dec 2013 has failed, and failed spectacularly.

Shawn Eichorst isn't going to make a decision about Bo Pelini's future based on Google trend data.  But it has to a concern to him how quickly the animus of late 2013 has returned to HuskerNation.  Lee Barfknecht of the Omaha World-Herald captured some of the potential consequences when he asks if the sellout sellout streak would be in danger if there were more home games to be played.

For all the Husker football cornerstones that have been upended in recent times — the nine-win streak, the bowl streak and now 15 years without a conference title — woe be the A.D. under whom the 340-game sellout run stops.

This football season and this head coach have brought us to this point. Between the current states of apathy and anger among fans, how does NU "sell" football if coach Bo Pelini returns? The phone calls and texts I got from friends and contacts of all ages Saturday night tell me it won’t be easy.

Bo Pelini's ongoing employment with the University of Nebraska is a divisive issue that threatens to tear the fabric of unity that Nebraska football enjoys.  The evidence shows that the events that led to the toxic environment of 2013 are neither forgiven nor forgotten.

Thanks for your help in getting me on ESPN Bo!

Northwestern

The gnomes are thankful that the Wildcats have given their fans a break from the pitchforks and allowed for a new line of "disappoint" questions to emerge. InsideNU:

Whatever your view on the trajectory of this program, Northwestern will ultimately fall one or two wins short of what most expected before the season began. That scenario would be disappointing for any fan base, and in the Wildcats' case, it probably requires a revisiting of the question of whether the program has slipped.  For most, then, 2014 will not qualify as a success, even if it ends with a bowl game.
For a team that seems likely to be bowling, there still doesn't feel like there is a lot of joy in Evanston.

Ohio State

The gnomes are thankful that they might get a chance to face Ohio State again. Sure, it probably won't go as well nor is it assured, but it would be cool. Land-Grant Holy Land is getting ready for That School Up North. The gnomes would also like to let friend of the blog Ted Glover know that they're thankful that someone still understands how HATE WEEK works:

Hey, you.

Yes, you there, Ohio State fan with sympathy for Them. You kind of piss me off these days. Now don't get me wrong, sympathy in the real world is a good thing. We need it to survive as a species, I get that. Kindness towards your fellow man is an important thing, and humans who are without sympathy and compassion in most situations are dirty, incorrigible people who make life miserable for the rest of the planet.

Yes, I'm talking about Notre Dame fans and/or Bret Bielema, but that's not why we're here today. We should all strive to be a compassionate people, and do what we can to make our planet a better place. But that's real life, and it matters out there. So if you ever come across a Notre Dame fan, or a *ichigan fan, or even Bret Bielma and they're in need of some real life compassion because life has kicked them in the teeth, don't be an asshat. Be a compassionate, caring human being. Even to Bret Bielema.

But this? This is sports, and this is The Game. And This Rivalry matters more this week than anything else, at least in my world. And it should be the same in your world, too. So take your pity for Them, take your compassion for Their Situation, kindly wipe your ass with it, and leave my presence.

Penn State

Um.......I dunno, the gnomes are thankful that James Franklin is more of a bust than expected? Sure, we'll go with that. Let's see if our friends at Black Shoe Diaries are talking about LAZERS a little more:

MICHIGAN STATE-30 PENN STATE-10
I don't have much in the way of expectations for this game. The defense should keep it close into the third quarter, but eventually the lack of production on offense will cause them to wear down and Michigan State has too much talent not to seize the opportunity by putting together a few long scoring drives.

There was no talk of LAZERS. /sniffle

PEW PEW PEW

Purdue

YES YES YES YES! THANK YOU PURDUE! The gnomes are so happy that you gave them cause to put up the TRAINCRASHGIFS again!

Hammer and Rails:

The Ugly
  • The majority of my points are going to go here sadly. First, I'd be remiss if I didn't mention the just terrible attendance. I get it was a crappy day and Purdue is quite frankly a crappy team but Saturday's game might've been the worst attended I've ever seen. I was not able to attend seeing as how I now live in Virginia and my wife doesn't have a job. Heading to a football game isn't exactly top priority at this point. I get there are reasons not to go but it's also embarrassing. On one hand I get the argument that if the team doesn't care why should the fans. I know it's frustrating but there are still guys out there busting their butts trying to make a name for themselves and bring honor and glory to Old Purdue. I'm not going to shame people who don't go but Purdue and the fans need to mend their clearly troubled relationship. I just wish I knew how.
  • Going into the season it was expected that Purdue would be a running team. That didn't materialize Saturday as Purdue was only able to muster 61 total rushing yards. To go along with that Akeem Hunt fumbled the ball twice, Appleby fumbled it once as well, but somehow didn't get benched like Raheem Mostert did earlier in the season. Mostert only got one carry for five yards. It's something I can't understand or comprehend. Just another head scratcher personnel decision by this staff. Mostert is fast. Get him the ball. He run fast past defense.
  • Short of singling anyone out here I'm just going to list effort as something that was ugly. With the exception of a few guys there just didn't appear to be a fire or urgency on the faces of these guys. No one seemed fired up to play on Senior Day and that's difficult to swallow. Again, I don't have a solution for the give a shit meter problem but it's not something I get paid over $2 million to figure out either.

Purdue. Your fans. WOOF.

Rutgers

The gnomes are thankful that Rutgers played terrible against Michigan State. Why? THIS IS WHY!

On The Banks is getting psyched up for a bowl game in Detroit:

With the new and improved Big Ten comes a new and...uh...new bowl game. What was known as the bowl game to be played at the home of the Detroit Lions in the preseason now has a name: the Quick Lane Bowl. Free oil changes for participating teams! This bowl game replaces the now-defunct Little Caesars Pizza Bowl, taking over the same location and broadcast time. Like the Pinstripe Bowl, this game takes place in a northern city, but at least the stadium is domed. And Detroit!

Wisconsin

Oh Wisconsin. The gnomes cannot possibly be thankful enough for your hockey team. Your glorious, unwinning hockey team...

Gnomes Cackle With Excitement

Also, for Gary Andersen. Because his buffoonery with how rivalries work has upped the heat for Saturday.

Bucky's 5th Quarter brings us this, so thanks to them to:

Jalen Merrick is a four-star offensive guard recruit from New Smyrna Beach, Fla. Naturally, many schools are after him, including Wisconsin and Arkansas. That's him on the left, by the way.On the right? Our old friend, Bert.

Wisconsin won't recruit up to snuff until Gary Andersen breaks out the wigs!

HATE HATE HATE.