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Minnesota Golden Gophers Hockey: Kyle Rau Sits Down with The Daily Gopher (Sort Of)

After announcing his intention to return to the University for his senior season, Kyle Rau took over the Gopher hockey twitter account to answer questions from fans. He answered precisely zero of the questions submitted by The Daily Gopher, but that won't stop us from pretending that he did.


*What follows is a real transcript of a an interview that never happened on Thursday, August 7th, 2014.

TDG:  Good morning Kyle, thanks for sitting down with the Gopher Hockey Twitter followers The Daily Gopher.  First of all, congratulations on your decision to return for your senior year.  Gopher hockey fans appreciate your dedication to the program and we're very excited for the coming campaign.

Through your three years with the Gophers, you've played with some very good hockey players. Who was THE BEST, the cream of the crop, the A#1 Duke of New York?

Bjugstad and Leddy, those are two solid NHL players.  Hard to dispute your choice there; very professional.  Let's get personal for minute.  In fact, let's talk besties.  Who's your favorite dude on the team?  Who's the one guy that would be your first choice for your racquetball partner or the tank in your WoW guild?

From now on, go ahead and call me Danny.  Not sure where Mackenzie came from... Anyway, on the topic of interpersonal relationships, the Gopher Women's team is clearly the preeminent women's college program in the country.  Of course, everyone wants to know: you guys hang out?

Free association question: ever been caught picking your nose?

Whoa, Kyle, that almost felt like a personal attack.  I'm willing to look past it however... this time...

We all know that older siblings generally provide a standard to which younger siblings must strive (sometimes futilely) to attain.  Keeping my framing statement in mind, what inspired your to play hockey?

As the oldest child in my family, your answer speaks to me on a deeply personal level.  Thank you Kyle.  Speaking of your childhood, did you play any other sports growing up?  If I had to guess, I'd say baseball and maybe lacrosse are the most likely candidates.

I knew it.

Let's get back to hockey.  Last year was the first season of B1G Ten hockey.  There were some great games against new rivals and older, more established, rivals.  Which rivalry in the new B1G Ten is your favorite?

We at the TDG support your choice because we hate Hate HATE Wisconsin.  Better dead than red, and all of that, you know.  Ooh, ooh, ooh, what's your favorite sweater to wear when you're beating Wisconsin?

Solid choice.  I know you didn't ask, but I also think the white jerseys with the "Gophers" running diagonally across the chest are pretty awesome.

A couple of years ago, Don Lucia described Taylor Matson as being in "special forces" type condition.  Out of the current crop of Gophers, who is the fittest.  I mean, if you held a competitive triathlon, who wins?  Is it close?

Let's talk game day at Mariucci, how exciting is it to play a home game as a Golden Gopher?  How do you feel before you take the ice? Any nerves?

Have any pregame rituals that you care to share with the internet? Any you don't care to share with the internet?

Mmmmm naps.  You make sense to me, Kyle.  Let's see... getting to the bottom of my list of questions... what's your favorite student section chant or cheer, and does involve vacuums?

That seems like a PC answer, but I'll accept it.  Before we wrap things up, I have one guest question for you to answer or not.  I'll hand it over to our guest.

I'd like to thank Kyle Rau for sitting down with us today. Be sure to give @GopherHockey a Twitter follow. We want to thank them for giving us the Vines used for this post. While you're on Twitter, make sure to give me a follow so you never miss TDG hockey content. Ski-U-Mah!