GoAUpher: Bumped for htenpas doing that satire thing. I've got nothing to add, other than we're going to need a TDG version of the infamous "Bats**t Insanity" tag if this continues.
It's been a monumental week for nerds: NASA found water on Mars and, more importantly, Northwestern found themselves at #8 in Bruce Feldman's top 10. In recognition of this watershed moment for the Wildcats, I asked some of the more instrumental people involved in the top 10's development, delivery and reception to relive those life-altering minutes. (I should note that Bruce Feldman himself was unavailable for comment on account of me not reaching out to him and none of this being real.)
If You're Reading This it's Too Late
Donald L. (Bike Messenger, Speedy Couriers): Every week I pick up the top 10 list from Bruce's assistant. When I first looked at it, I thought, "Utah at #1?" Can't argue with that. Then I saw #8...
Leroy R. (Manager, Speedy Couriers): Donald was actually fired later that day for going through clients' mail.
Sarah S. (Office Manager, Fox Sports): To be honest, I have no idea why we use a courier service for this. It seems wildly inefficient.
Angela M. (Segment Producer, Fox Sports): When I saw that Northwestern was in Bruce's top 10, I knew the internet was going to explode. Pizza Rat's day in the sun was over.
Pizza Rat (Subway Vermin, Internet Sensation): As a Medill Grad myself, I really couldn't be too upset about it.
Nothing Was the Same
Sam F. (Operator of a Mike Wilbon Parody Account, 87 followers): I was minding my own business eating a deep dish pie and thinking about the Cubbies' dream season when this waiter put a printout of a screen shot in front of me.
Donald L. (Waiter, Lorenzo's Deep Dish and Hot Dog): After I got fired from Speedy Couriers, I took a job at Lorenzo's later that same day. I knew a lot of parody accounts of sports personalities hung out there. When I saw @NotMikeWilbon, a guy pretending to be a guy who went to Northwestern, I knew I had to show him the inside scoop.
Sam F.: I'm not gonna lie, I dropped some pie toppings on the piece of paper, but all the pertinent information was still there. At first I didn't get it - I'm naturally a Notre Dame fan, since they're Chicago's team, and yeah, I thought they should've been ranked higher, but then this guy reminded me that Mike Wilbon went to Northwestern.
Donald L.: Once Sam tweeted the top 10, that baby went viral.
Alexa B. (Social Media Manager, Fox Sports): We had actually tweeted the top 10 list hours before and received hundreds of retweets from it. @NotMikeWilbon is blocked from following @FoxSports for sending extremely unsolicited nudes.
Sam F.: *A very long, audible fart*
What a Time To Be Alive
Donald L. (Unemployed): People were really embracing Bruce's opinion on the top 10 teams in college football. The 'Cats were finally getting some respect.
Reginald Z. (Northwestern Grad, '08): Sport?
Carolyn L. (Donald's Landlord, Mother): Bruce's list was right and my Donny sure delivered the hell out of it. Now all we gotta do is beat a comically bad Minnesota team and we should be playoff bound.