Big Ten Football Review & Recap: Week 4 Gnomes

The gnomes love doing this post, but it is easily the most time intensive post they do all week. Since their underpants racket (aka Job A) is taking off despite the lack of a step two, they are going to try sticking with the model they introduced last week.

You are all winners

• Michigan: 49-10? It’s almost like you’re a lot better than Penn State or their coach is terrible or something (HINT: Their coach is terrible or something).
• Nebraska: You are still the real NU.
• Purdue: HOOOOOOOOORAY! A WIN!!!!!!!!!!! You know what that means. #LesMiles4Purdue

I recognize that the chances are probably very slim that Miles ends up in West Lafayette, but we can dream, can’t we? Purdue is currently the laughingstock of major college football, even more so than Kansas. Kansas gets to hide in the Big 12 and has really never been much. Purdue has been a founding member of the Big Ten, has had some pretty bright spots about every 15 years, and, well, we’re pretty vocal about them here judging by the SB Nation traffic numbers I see each week. Purdue really can’t get much worse, but what would a theoretical hiring of Miles mean?

I assume an improvement in Purdue’s turf management program.

• Wisconsin: Blowing out Michigan State was a disconcerting turn of events.

Almost winners (aka BYE WEEK)

• Illinois: Stadium drawings are good bye week filler.
• Ohio State: Their shooty puck team might not be that bad!

Actually losers (despite winning)

• Iowa: First NDSU and then almost Rutgers. The pendulem swing away from the #specialseason is off to a great start.

Sad Panda Patrol

• Northwestern: Someone is not a fan of Northwestern...failing to fire some assistant coaches.

If Northwestern wants to average six wins per year and occasionally luck into 10 wins, with losses to the only good teams it plays (save Stanford laying an egg In Week 1), then the current staff will work just fine. But if the Wildcats actually want to compete in the awful Big Ten West, or even have a team that could challenge the Big Ten East winner once in a blue moon, then they simply need to make changes to their staff. There is no evidence of potential improvement.

I thought this was looking like it could a good team? The gnomes are so confused.

• Penn State: This. Is. A. Bad. Showing.
• Rutgers: The gnomes were almost ready to like you. Almost.

WTF DANTONIO?

TOC was so distraught by this loss that I couldn’t find a recap. As punishment for letting Wisconsin look good, they must now suffer the dreaded “SEC WANTS OUR COACH” conversation:

What in the hell happened?

I go on vacation for a single week and not only does the same Spartan team I picked months ago to go undefeated run in the #RealRival buzzsaw that was Wisconsin, but LSU lost and they finally went and fired The Mad Hatter himself, Leslie (that is his full name, right?) Miles. College football for ya, never a dull moment.

Well in my catching up of the aftermath of the weekend (and avoiding all debate-themed posts on my Facebook timeline) I came across apiece from Dieter Kurtenbach of Fox Sports on why LSU should go all-in on getting Mark Dantonio and honestly, it made me feel things. Now I know that this is most likely not going to happen (he said as he crossed all his fingers and knocked on all the wood), but we have been burned from a coach leaving MSU for Baton Rouge before (Hi, Nick Saban) and the stages of grief couldn’t help but set in. So please allow me to use this space as a work through some things with all of you.

BOWL GAME BLUES

This wasn’t supposed to happen. Indiana was looking great for another bowl game. Not only were they 2-0 but they started the game against Wake like this:

They were going to be 3-0 coming into conference play, needing only to feast on the weakest parts of their schedule to get to at least 6 wins. And then...

That’ll leave a mark. Indiana are still in ok shape, as they have games against Northwestern, Rutgers, and Purdue left on the schedule. But what will probably happen is Purdue will beat the Hoosiers to keep them out of a bowl. With luck, that will somehow save Darrell Hazell’s job.

What? The gnomes can dream.