Coach P.J. Fleck,
First of all, I’d like to congratulate you on being named head football coach of the Minnesota Golden Gophers. You made an elite decision to come to the Twin Cities, and I am excited to see what the future holds as you lead this football program into a new era.
But one thing that the future of this program must hold is the full banana.
What is “the full banana,” you ask? It’s simple. Gold helmet, gold jersey, gold pants — put simply, ALL GOLD EVERYTHING. It’s a uniform combination the the Gophers have long danced around but never fully embraced. It’s an opportunity that has been wasted for so long that one can’t help but wonder if the lack of “full banana” is what has kept this program from ascending to the heights of college football greatness.
I mean, think about it, the Gophers have had gold helmet and gold jersey:
Gold jersey and gold pants:
And even gold helmet and gold pants:
But never full banana. Why? Just look at West Virginia circa 2013:
Brings a tear to your eye, doesn’t it? It’s like the Holy Grail of college football uniform combinations, and when your mascot is a “Golden Gopher,” you don’t run from full banana. You embrace it and never look back.
Now, I know what you might be thinking right now: “I need facts on the influence one uniform combination have on a football team.”
Have no fear, analytics support the full banana too. Since 2012, the Gophers are 5-1 when wearing the gold helmet. When wearing the gold jersey, the Gophers are 6-2. When wearing the gold pants, the Gophers are 13-9. Just imagine what this team would be capable of when you combine all three. We’re talking about an unstoppable force decked out all in gold, unleashed upon the gridiron.
What a sight to behold.
In your introductory press conference, you said, “When you watch Gopher football from this point forward, it will be different.” I sincerely hope so.
If you’re serious about your desire to win a Big Ten championship at Minnesota, the first step is to go “full banana.” I trust you’re the man to make it happen.
Best wishes this upcoming season,
Football Writer, The Daily Gopher