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Richard Pitino snubbed for Naismith Award because voters thought he was his dad (satire)

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Hmmmmmmm...

Naismith voters shocked to learn there are two Pitinos coaching D1

3/3/17
NOT THE REAL AP, MINNEAPOLIS, MN

Voters for the Naismith Award, given annually to the top men’s and women’s coach in Division 1 college basketball, were shocked and dismayed to learn that they had unintentionally confused Richard Pitino (the 34 year old head coach of the Minnesota Golden Gophers) with his much older father, Rick Pitino. The error was first pointed out on Twitter by non-Medill School of Journalism graduates who follow college basketball.

“I’m simply mortified by the error” said Arnold Spencer, who has voted for the award for decades. “I honestly thought that Rick Pitino guy had finally gotten the fresh start he deserved in Minnesota. After all the scandals in Louisville I was really pleased he had moved on to come out of nowhere to be the hottest team in the Big Ten. I now realize I was voting for the right guy, but that he is actually still at Louisville. That’ll learn me to look at the school’s name too.”

Similar stories were reported to us from other voters, but not all blamed themselves. “Why is he using such an adult sounding name when he’s punk kid?” remarked Lester Donhower, former chair of the Naismith Award. “If he would just go by Richie the less impressive job done by his father wouldn’t have taken his place on the ballot.”

When asked why Chris Collins from Northwestern was on the ballot over the younger Pitino when it’s clear that the latter has delivered the better Big Ten coaching performance, all the voters we spoke to cited the importance of Darren Rovell’s opinion in swaying them that Northwestern not sucking was truly the story of the century. “Collins will win for sure. I mean, Northwestern is just like Hickory High once you get past the huge endownment and outsized presence in the sporting media” an enthusiastic voter by the name of Rarren Dovell exclaimed.

The 4 finalists for the award will be named on March 16th.