With tickets to all of Minnesota’s away games on sale today, it seemed like a good time to arbitrarily rank each of this season’s road games. The criteria for this exercise was simple...use any criteria you want. Here’s what I and the TDG staff came up with based on that extremely complex and exacting formula
- Oregon State: It’s a Power 5 non-con game in a great part of the US I haven't seen much of that happens to be close to some amazing golf courses. Plus, I have family in the region. There is also the possibility that I could pull off a Oregon/Nebby and Oregon State/Minnesota double header that day which would be cool.
Michigan: I haven't gotten to see the stadium since it was renovated and it’s only 4 hours away. If the Gophers managed to pull off the upset it would amazing and immediately erase all the bad memories of my trip to the Big House in
- Northwestern: I’ve never been there and have many friends in the Chicagoland area. I can drive to it without too much trouble and I get to pick up Three Floyds beer along the way for my trouble. Tickets should be cheaper and easy to acquire.
- Purdue: Super close by to me and I’ve never watched a game there. Tickets are extra cheap and easy to acquire. Downside, it doesn't exist.
- Iowa: No way in hell I'm paying for a plane ticket to smell pig shit all day. Also, I’ve already been there 3 times.
- Michigan, because I've never seen a game there.
- Oregon State, because when would we ever play there again? Would be a cool trip.
- jNW, because it's a close trip, with plenty of good seating available.
- Stupid Iowa, because Stupid Iowa.
- What is this "Purdue" thing you speak of?
Ranked according to their most famous non-athlete alumni:
- Purdue. Neil Armstrong was the first man to step foot on the moon, for God's sake. Enough said.
- Northwestern. Julia Louis-Dreyfus? Stephen Colbert? Seth Meyers? You had me at Julia Louis-Dreyfus. I know NW is world famous for producing the most objective sportswriters in America, but a former Veep and two late night hosts ain't bad.
- Oregon State. Did you know that Oregon State has produced not one but three Playboy Playmates of the Year? That's incredible. I can't imagine why they don't promote that more. Not every school can make that claim.
- Iowa. Some will make the case for Gene Wilder, but I'd rather pretend he isn't a Hawkeye and not speak ill of the late Dr. Frederick Frankenstein. But boy do Hawkeye fans love them some Ashton Kutcher.
- Michigan. H.H. Holmes was both a proud Wolverine and one of the first documented serial killers in American history.
- Oregon State. While Corvallis is not the prettiest part of the state, you get pretty close getting there from anywhere. Its the nicest place on the list.
- Michigan. Gameday at Michigan is a sight to behold. I liked my experience in 2014 a hell of a lot more than 2004 though.
- Northwestern I guess. Though Chicago is overpriced and I can just get tarps at Home Depot
- Iowa. Because Iowa City is a lot better than the last choice.
- Purdue. I’ve got nothing West Lafayette. At least there are decently cool bars in IC.
- Oregon State: Corvallis is allegedly a fun sort of college town.
- Northwestern: I've never been to a game in Evanston, and if nothing else, I'm told you can even bring a book to the game. :wink:
- Purdue: I really want to see that train and that giant drum. Also, I want to know if Purdue Pete looks that weird up close.
- Iowa: I might be going to the game this year, so yeah.
- Michigan: The stadium and its denizens smell of so much smugness that it's a wonder Ann Arbor hasn't choked to death from the arrogance.