July 24th marked the unofficial start to football in 2017. The Vikings opened training camp in Mankato and the Big Ten Media Days kicked off down in Chicago. Football is here my friends!
As I watched bits and pieces of B1G Media Days yesterday and then again today as Coach PJ Fleck talked about the Gopher’s season I couldn’t help but think of our rivals, the other Big Ten schools and I just couldn’t help but want to make fun of them. But I’m sure that I’m not the only one who was taught at a young age that if you can’t say anything nice, you shouldn’t say anything at all.
So this is where I do my best to say something nice about every other Big Ten institution. (I’m trying really hard here)...
Ohio State - Thanks for making the Big Ten look respectable again with that College Football Playoff National Championship win.
Michigan - We invented the rivalry trophy together, we’ll always have that special bond (would be nice if we could have it once in a while though, stop hogging it).
Penn State - That 1999 game was probably my favorite moment of the Glen Mason era.
Indiana - You guys are Hoosiers and Hoosiers is one of my all-time favorite movies. And I TOTALLY don’t cry at the end. No really, I don’t.
Maryland - Under Armour is a real gift to humanity.
Michigan State - You Spartan fans are much less entitled than Michigan fans. I really appreciate that.
Rutgers - I loved The Sopranos. Fuhgeddaboutdit.
Thanks for Tim Brewster. Driving through Illinois is really much more pleasant than driving through Iowa.
Purdue - Matt Painter is great at coaching defense, perhaps Jeff Brohm should think about hiring him.
Northwestern - I admire how your very prestigious journalism and communications school took the unprecedented move to not pursue accreditation.
Nebraska - That balloon thing is cool. I mean, it’s probably not good for the environment but it doesn’t seem to have negatively affected corn yields yet.
Iowa - Toppling Goliath is probably my favorite brewery in the world. After years of thinking that nothing good ever came out of Iowa (sorry @IowaGopher), TG has released excellent beer after excellent beer. I might even venture across the border to visit one day.
Wisconsin - I’ve got nothing...really trying...¯\_(ツ)_/¯ (Sorry mom, but they stole our Slab of Bacon and won’t give it back!)
My mom would be so proud...that was really much harder than I thought it would be. But now that’s out of my system I plan on returning to respectful hate for the next several months.