Ladies and gentlemen, can I please have your attention. I’ve just been handed a urgent and horrifying news story, and I need all of you, to stop what you’re doing and listen.
GNOMES ARE BACK!
We start today with a word from my overlords. The Gophers Gnomes miss you. They know they’ve abandoned you in recent seasons. But the stress of trying to execute their intricate three part blogging plan on a weekly basis proved to be too much.
Rather than continue on this path of irregular #content, the Gnomes and I came up with a new plan. The plan involved retiring “What’s The B1G Deal?” and coming up with a new format.
- STEP 1: MORE CONCENTRATED SNARK - Instead of trying to recap every Big Ten game the Gnomes will focus in on the most recent Gophers opponent, their upcoming opponent, and then will mix in a random target of opportunity. When in doubt that target will probably be Iowa but anyone in the wider college football world is fair game.
- STEP 2: ??? (aka let’s just assume the Gnomes return to posting every week)
- STEP 3: EVERYONE LAUGH
This new gnomes masterpiece shall be called “Go Gnome, You’re Drunk!” You may be wondering what was wrong with the old pun focused name. The answer is simple...the Big Ten is no longer the focus, thus the name must change too.
Obviously the new limited scope is...well...tough right now since barely any games have been played. But the Gnomes wanted to make sure the fine folks at New Mexico State didn’t feel left out. The Gnomes were SUPER IMPRESSED by the offensive showcase the Aggies put on. In honor of their AggieVision-esqe performance, the Gnomes brought stickers!
The Gnomes felt further insults would be uncouth given the difficulties in personal staffing facing the Aggies as well as the short rest the team is on. Instead, they’re getting ready for what they hope will be a very mockery worthy first weekend for a number of Big Ten teams.
/GoAUpher mumurs something incredulously
//Gnomes sound surprised
///Gnomes chatter amongst themselves
I stand corrected, the gnomes have an additional message for New Mexico State after learning that they can’t afford ship their away game uniforms using overnight express.
That’s the Gnomes I know and love.
The new “Go Gnome, You’re Drunk!” experience will drop every Wednesday moving forward. Set your alarms and mark your calendars now!