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Go Gnome, You’re Drunk: Week 4

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The schadenfreude...it’s too much.

You finally did it Big Ten Football. You killed the Gnomes. The terrible football across the conference last Saturday left the Gnomes so overloaded with schadenfreude that they couldn’t even deliver this column on time. There was simply too much to ridicule. Don’t believe that they’re dead? Here’s proof, recorded on site at Minnesota Golden Gophers Gnomes HQ last Saturday night:

The Gnomes are dead.

Long live the Gnomes.

Last “opponent” to face Minnesota

Hi Miami.

Bye Miami.

Other Miami game things the Gnomes liked

Do it Ben! The Gnomes are with you!

Next “opponent” up

Oh turtles. Please continue to play like this. The Gnomes are completely ok with, especially this Saturday.

Other Maryland snark the Gnomes liked

You’ll be shocked, but no one I follow on Twitter gives a crap about Maryland. Great addition to the conference there Delany. The B1G fans I know totally dig it.

POINT AND LAUGH

Nebraska couldn’t be more back if they tried.

Troy? TROY? You really lost to Troy on your home field? Not the Trojans from USC? The ones from Alabama? I mean, the Gnomes knew you were going to struggle Nebby but MY GOODNESS! This is just taking things to a whole new level. I wonder what could be next?

Other Nebraska snark the Gnomes Liked

Go away Rutgers.

YOU. LOST. TO. KANSAS.

Y’all are just off brand clams.

Seriously though, click that link, then savor the throwback post in the light of a loss to FREAKING KANSAS.

To be fair, the Gnomes realized it could be worse. This could be the rutger mascot...

Other Rutgers snark the Gnomes liked

Welp. At least you tried Illinois.

Hey, you almost won that game! That’s better than a whole lot of other B1G teams!

Other Illinois snark the Gnomes liked

Purdue. Can they win a game?

So Purdue is on the verge of starting 0-4 since they get to face a pretty good Boston College Eagles team this weekend. It’s official, they are not that great. Which again, is not something that should have been shocking and yet we live in a world where Purdue fans apparently thought they might win 9 games.

Other Purdue snark the Gnomes liked

The Gnomes refuse to talk about Northwestern and their loss to Akron.

Sorry y’all. They won’t do it. They’re worn out. SO MANY SNARK WORTHY GAMES. Gonna have to outsource this one.

Other Northwestern snark the Gnomes liked

On...to making fun of wisconsin

And on it goes...

There was so much else to mock. The Pac-12 was full of crazy stuff. But alas the Gnomes are dead and have to leave you with this image.

No they are not sorry.