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You finally did it Big Ten Football. You killed the Gnomes. The terrible football across the conference last Saturday left the Gnomes so overloaded with schadenfreude that they couldn’t even deliver this column on time. There was simply too much to ridicule. Don’t believe that they’re dead? Here’s proof, recorded on site at Minnesota Golden Gophers Gnomes HQ last Saturday night:
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The Gnomes are dead.
Long live the Gnomes.
Last “opponent” to face Minnesota
Hi Miami.
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Bye Miami.
Other Miami game things the Gnomes liked
Coach Fleck’s shoe game: pic.twitter.com/iBgAMz3Hum
— Minnesota Football (@GopherFootball) September 15, 2018
Someday I'm going to fight you, Red Hat Guy. pic.twitter.com/ehF2joxGE7
— Ben Dawson (@BenjaminJDawson) September 15, 2018
Claeys/Sawvel never held 3 straight opponents below 100 yards rushing.
— MV BOT (@MVofBOT) September 16, 2018
Robb has done it two years in a row.
Do it Ben! The Gnomes are with you!
Next “opponent” up
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Oh turtles. Please continue to play like this. The Gnomes are completely ok with, especially this Saturday.
Other Maryland snark the Gnomes liked
You’ll be shocked, but no one I follow on Twitter gives a crap about Maryland. Great addition to the conference there Delany. The B1G fans I know totally dig it.
POINT AND LAUGH
Nebraska couldn’t be more back if they tried.
Troy? TROY? You really lost to Troy on your home field? Not the Trojans from USC? The ones from Alabama? I mean, the Gnomes knew you were going to struggle Nebby but MY GOODNESS! This is just taking things to a whole new level. I wonder what could be next?
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Other Nebraska snark the Gnomes Liked
Nebraska should be 0-3: MY COLUMN.
— MV BOT (@MVofBOT) September 15, 2018
/sees Nebraska score pic.twitter.com/R73QIigWj1
— The Official Kirk Ferentz Fan Club Account (@PV_GIA) September 15, 2018
Remember when Scott Frost was the best coach ever??
— Matt O'Connell (@Matt_OConnell_) September 15, 2018
HEY GUYS
— The Official Kirk Ferentz Fan Club Account (@PV_GIA) September 15, 2018
GUYS
COME HERE
CLOSER
...
more like scott lost
too soon to talk about that $5 million dollar contract?
— PlannedSickDays (@PlannedSickDays) September 15, 2018
Hey @OWHbigred great job setting expectations this summer real top- notch work there
— The Official Kirk Ferentz Fan Club Account (@PV_GIA) September 15, 2018
Go away Rutgers.
YOU. LOST. TO. KANSAS.
Y’all are just off brand clams.
Seriously though, click that link, then savor the throwback post in the light of a loss to FREAKING KANSAS.
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To be fair, the Gnomes realized it could be worse. This could be the rutger mascot...
Murray St's mascot.
— Scott Charlton (@Scott_Charlton) September 15, 2018
In 2018.
For real. pic.twitter.com/vMoaCtPYf0
Other Rutgers snark the Gnomes liked
Rutgers just burned their final timeout of the first half with nearly 13 minutes on the clock because they couldn't line up quick enough to get off a punt.
— Ace Anbender (@AceAnbender) September 15, 2018
OK, getting housed by Kansas is bad enough, but NOT BEING READY TO PUNT?
— RossWB (@RossWB) September 15, 2018
That really should be grounds for immediate dismissal from the Big Ten. https://t.co/t3EM1nqDwT
Rutgers-Kansas in one GIF pic.twitter.com/fGZcfdJs2X
— Yahoo Sports College Football (@YahooSportsCFB) September 15, 2018
Welp. At least you tried Illinois.
Hey, you almost won that game! That’s better than a whole lot of other B1G teams!
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Other Illinois snark the Gnomes liked
Presenting 30 for 30: The Robert from IlliniBoard Story.
— Gordon Voit (@GordonVoit) September 16, 2018
One man.
One final drive against USF.
And a reminder that defeat cuts deepest for those with great passion.@ALionEye premieres 7:30/6:30c pic.twitter.com/8wTJDzHynG
Lovie Smith pulls off the impressive feat of losing a game in the NFL stadium where he used to coach against a college team that plays in the other NFL stadium he used to coach
— Rodger Sherman (@rodger) September 15, 2018
Purdue. Can they win a game?
So Purdue is on the verge of starting 0-4 since they get to face a pretty good Boston College Eagles team this weekend. It’s official, they are not that great. Which again, is not something that should have been shocking and yet we live in a world where Purdue fans apparently thought they might win 9 games.
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Other Purdue snark the Gnomes liked
Hey Purdue, you gonna go bowling this year? pic.twitter.com/hTf5YDfAey
— Ben Dawson (@BenjaminJDawson) September 16, 2018
The Gnomes refuse to talk about Northwestern and their loss to Akron.
Sorry y’all. They won’t do it. They’re worn out. SO MANY SNARK WORTHY GAMES. Gonna have to outsource this one.
Other Northwestern snark the Gnomes liked
Akron, which just beat Northwestern, hasn’t beaten a Big Ten team since the 19th century. (Akron, known as Buchtel College, beat Ohio State in 1894)
— Dan Kadar (@MockingTheDraft) September 16, 2018
Tear down the John Heisman statue outside InfoCision Stadium and replace it with a Terry Bowden statue.
Northwestern just lost to AKRON in a game where ***AKRON*** had ******ONE HUNDRED AND FORTY PENALTY YARDS******
— Rodger Sherman (@rodger) September 16, 2018
On...to making fun of wisconsin
Jump Around #GoCougs #BYUFOOTBALL pic.twitter.com/xpJHgP2qmo
— BYU Football (@BYUfootball) September 16, 2018
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And on it goes...
There was so much else to mock. The Pac-12 was full of crazy stuff. But alas the Gnomes are dead and have to leave you with this image.
No they are not sorry.
.@RedditCFB Oklahoma State is using @THEGaryBusey on their new Jumbotron to scare opposing offenses. Quite frankly it scares the defense, offense, coaching staff, fans... literally everyone. pic.twitter.com/fZpWTAHb5J
— Travis Burns (@TravisB06052015) September 17, 2018