Go Gnome, You’re Drunk: A Train Full of Tears

You may have thought the Gopher Gnomes were dead. They weren’t, but they were certainly in a low snark hibernation of sorts. Sure, they sort of popped up in the Game Central posts from time to time but they hadn’t gone #FULLSNARK in over 2 years. But this past weekend they were awakened from their slumber.

First, it was Nebraska absolutely crapping the bed against Illinois when they were two touchdown favorites. And then came the offensive pass interference heard round the world, which the Gnomes are pretty sure Purdue fans will complain about longer than they lamented The Fumble from 2004.

Let’s get to it.

The “worst” pass interference call “ever”

The Gnomes would like to get a couple of things out of the way.

1) The offensive pass interference call was amazing and they are so proud they made it happen

2) Purdue fans are idiots for thinking it was the only thing that cost them the game.

RE: number 1 above. The Gnomes have a confession to make. They’re working on a pilot for FX. It’s called “It’s Always Sunny In West Lafayette” and it’s a comedy about mischievous gnomes from Minnesota who get up to mischief. Why are Gopher Gnomes creating a pilot that references where Purdue is from? Don’t worry about it.

Anyway, they were filming some scenes on the sideline on Friday night and well, this happened.

The Gnomes regret nothing.

RE: number 2 above. Boy it’s sure a good thing that Purdue never benefited from an egregiously bad pass interference call that directly lead to them scoring a touchdown instead of being forced to kick a field goal to be down 7. (A field goal which was clearly a lock given Purdue’s rock solid special teams play).

*COUGH*

*COUGH**COUGH*

*COUGH*

Anyway, it’s a real shame that the OPI was the final play of the game. The Gnomes really screwed the Boilerma...wait. Hold on, the Gnomes are stomping their feet at me.

GNOMES: (inaudible)

ME: Wait, you’re telling me they still had the ball after the pass interference call?

GNOMES: (inaudible)

ME: Are you serious? It was still first down, they had a timeout, 44 seconds to play, and they were still in field goal range?

GNOMES: (inaudible but mocking tone)

ME: I know right? It’s not like Plummer was completing 83% of his passes, already had 3 touchdown throws, and still had one of the best WR duos in college football on the field with him. The Big Ten should really look at how the rule book negates all those things when offensive pass interference is called.

GNOMES: (inaudible but gleeful tone)

ME: /giggles

Maybe Jake Plummer thought he was throwing the ball around with Josh Aune for fun because the game was over?

PURDUE TL;DR...please, cry your tears Purdue fans. You won’t be the first or last school in the Big Ten to find themselves on the wrong side of a call. Just keep telling yourselves that the refs have it out for you. The Gnomes know what really happened.

Also, we had to check in with Goldy Bulldog about this subject.

Time to mock Dear old Nebraska U

(Listen to this while singing the lyrics below. The Gnomes aren’t sure this is the best they could have done, but this post is topical and we couldn’t wait on them to workshop the lyrics further).

There is no place like Nebraska,

Dear old Nebraska U.

Where the bitching continues,

With every game they lose,

The whiniest fans that I knew.

There is no place like Nebraska,

Where their will is best.

Only they care enough,

That’s why the B1G hates them,

So please praise Nebraska U!

—————

By now you’re probably sick and tired of Nebraska fans. Things we’ve learned so far this fall:

• Only Nebraska cares about football.
• Every other team is soft, weak, and doesn’t have Nebraska’s will. Except for Ohio State Buckeyes when Ryan Day mimics the Nebraska leadership with his whining.
• Wisconsin got COVID because they were afraid to play Nebraska.

That’s not all. Our friends at Crimson Quarry did some reporting* and it looks like Nebraska may have created the universe.

Truly, we are all in Nebraska’s debt. Anyway, they played Illinois this past weekend as two touchdown favorites. I’m sure that went we..........oh.

At least the refs weren’t to blame. I mean, Nebraska did lose to ILLINOIS at home while playing at 17 point favorites.

From the opening kickoff, you could tell this wasn’t going to be Nebraska’s day. Alante Brown made an ill-advised choice to return the kickoff out of the endzone and got blown up at the 17 yard line. Luke McCaffrey made a boneheaded improv decision to lateral the ball, which was ruled a fumble, recovered by Illinois without any review. On the very next play, Illinois quarterback Brandon Peters fumbled the ball forward after his knee was down, gaining an extra eight yards on the recovery. Again, no review.

Now, to sit here and argue that Nebraska lost this game because of some bad officiating would be ludicrous because Illinois simply kicked Nebraska’s rear end. Illinois outplayed, out-efforted, out-executed and out-coached Nebraska. And that’s something that simply shouldn’t have happened.

Wait.

What?

Other Nebraska snark the Gnomes liked.

Illinois Athletics Twitter is, in fact, good.

That’s A LOT of open field the punter had to cover, especially since he basically stopped twice, and yet he converted it by a mile.

RELATED:

Well at least we know who was cheering.

Yes but they built Rome in a day so say thank you and move along.

I encourage you to follow the reply thread upwards to see what brought the Husker fans to the point of demanding irrelevance. Also, these same fans were demanding you say thank for you Big Ten football on Friday.